Thursday, May 26, 2011

Breakdown Mode

I am feeling so lousy right now. I hate when I obsessively think about something over and over to the point where I feel so inadequate and depressed.

I'm a stay at home mom and although, I am usually really happy about this and I absolutely love being able to stay at home to raise my son, there are some days that I feel guilty. Is this normal? I feel like everybody just thinks I'm lazy and don't want to work. The truth is, I only get four years to spend with my son. I don't want to put him in daycare while I'm fortunate enough to have the option to stay at home with him.

Am I selfish for doing this? I know my husband doesn't LOVE to work and would give anything to be at home with my son everyday. And ofcourse, our household could use some extra money. I don't think anybody would be opposed to the extra income. Everytime I think about this, I feel sooo guilty. I feel like I'm not contributing to my household or my marriage. Why do I feel like this? My husband has never said or done anything to make me feel like this. He's never asked me to work and put AJ in daycare.

I know my job is an important one. I know my son is lucky to be able to stay at home and be raised by his mommy. I'm not the kind of person to feel anxious to get out of the house for at least a few hours a day. I'm perfectly content being a stay at home mom. In fact, I'm more than content. I feel complete. I have a purpose. But do I? Or am I just being selfish? I'm not exactly the best at keeping my house clean and making well-balanced meals.

It's just one of those days. I need some thoughts and I need to know that I'm not alone. Am I alone in this? Does the fact that I feel guilty about this actually make me guilty? I know that today's society expects moms to return to the workforce and find childcare for their children. Is there no place for traditional values anymore? I don't want to offend anybody with this post and I hope I didn't. I wish I were brave enough to let my little angel go. The truth is, I even cry when I think about him starting school and not being able to spend all my time with him.

All I want to know is, as a stay at home mom, do you ever feel like this?

I think I might delete this post.


  1. YES!!!!!!! That could totally have been me writing that post. I've talked with several of my friends who stay at home and we ALL feel or have felt this way. I'm totally experiencing this right now :)

  2. You're a rockstar Bonnie! My Mom was a stay-at-home-Mom after I was born and she was great to my sister and me! Being a stay at home Mom isn't for everyone - but if it is for you then there is no reason you should feel guilty about it! Anyone who tells you otherwise is just mad they can't be a stay at home Mom! My Mom took care us like nobody's business is all of our experiences growing up with her are invaluable! Don't you dare feel guilty! ;)

  3. You are so NOT alone. I have struggled with many similar thoughts over the years of being a SAHM. I think that we as women in general put so much pressure on ourselves to fulfill all of these roles and wear all of these hats and we make ourselves batty over it.

    Sometimes it helps me to see how much money I'm saving our family in day care expense (I doubt I could find a job right now to make much more than we'd be spending). Seeing how much money I save in other ways gives me a boost because I can see that I am *doing* something more than raising our kids. Which really is huge in itself.

    Anyway, you're not alone. Not at all.

  4. I am going through this too. We do not want to put our daughter in daycare. We just don't trust people we don't know. Besides that if I were to get a job all of that paycheck would be going to pay for daycare, so there really is no point in it. I do feel like I'm not doing enough though. And on the days that the house isn't clean and there are dishes in the sink are the worst for me. Sad to say this happens quite often lately.

  5. I know Bonnie, that I cannot put myself in your place right now, since I'm not yet blessed with a child. But I honestly think that you should cherish this time you get to have with your little boy:) I do understand that your husband AND you don't have work as a hobby, but since you're fortunate not to work, try to keep in mind that your boy will be so grateful of this time later in his life!!! Don't let anyone influence your beliefs on how to raise your son!!! Be a proud SAHM who contributes in the household with your creative work, who provides for her family with her creations for them, who provides stimulation for your little boy with ALL THAT CREATIVITY that surrounds him!!!
    As for the clean house, would you like me to post some photos from my dinning room (now to be the sewing room??) my carpet is full of threads and scraps!!! I don't have enough time to put all things in order, but I WILL NOT allow what I found to be the most pleasing experience of my life to be run down by anyone's comments (say my mom's for example)!!!
    That goes for you Bonnie as well:) Live your SAHM life to the fullest!!!

    Happy Friday with your cute little boy:)

  6. Listen here sweet are giving your son THE best gift you can give him. I know we live in a great big world, with lots of choices. But it has always been MY choice, to be home to raise my children. We made many sacrifices in order for me to do that. I wouldn't change it for anything!!! In these days of economic hardships, you have a gift to be able to be home providing your little one with the best start possible. And it isn't easy. I know. In fact, it would probably be much easier to drop them at daycare and go to work. But you shake that guilty feeling off because you are doing the right thing. I have raised my three kids. I am so happy that I could be here for them. Even more so as they were teens, I think. And now, I am blessed to be able to be here to help my daughter, a single Mama, and take care of my 4 yr. old grandson. Oprah closed her show yesterday and spoke about all of us having a calling. I know what mine is. Don't ever feel guilty for following your heart.

  7. First of all please don't delete this post!

    I think so many SAHM feel the same way, but we feel we should ever say it for fear of being ungrateful.

    I've been look after my twins now for 2 years, and honestly there was a time I resented them and hubby. It was a horrid dark time, going from a high profile and successful job, to cleaning bums and doing the same thing every day was a big jumo and one it's taken me time to adjust to. But honestly, it's both the hardest and most rewarding job there is, fair enough the pay is poop, no annual leave, I have to work even when I feel crap, but just to see my boys develop and grow is worth it.

    Enjoy these years, make the most of every minute, you have nothing to feel guilty off.

  8. First, of course you are not alone Bonnie. A lot of women struggle with staying home and all that it entails.

    But you do work, you are taking care of your little boy and making the decision to not put him in day care is a big one, but not a selfish one. It's great that this makes you feel complete, that is a blessing. You are doing important and real work with him.

    These days are short and sweet, enjoy them and try not to feel guilty, there is plenty of guilt in Mommy life about other ridiculous things, be proud you want to spend time with your son.

    Feel better!

  9. Don't you dare delete this post girly! you are most definitely not alone in the way you feel. Heck, we all feel this way at one point or another. And I know that if it came down to you and you needed to work to help support the family, you would! And that is what counts. AJ is lucky to have you home with him! After all, it only happens once in his life right? You can go back to work when he starts school. There will always be time for work... but spending the most precious years as a sahm with your child is priceless!

  10. I am experiencing this feeling right now, and I haven't even had my baby yet!

    I met my husband through friends. I lived in Georgia and he lived in Texas. Since my husband has more years at his job than I do it was obvious that I was the one who needed to make the move and try to find a job. Unfortunately, I did not find a job and so I've spent the last 300 something days jobless. I've tried finding jobs and even had a part-time job at a daycare. (I had to quit cause the cleaning product made me sick).

    We are struggling financially and I feel guilty that I'm not contributing.

  11. Oh Bonnie, you're doing the right thing and no reason to feel guilty. You have a full time job and more. I'm so happy you're able to stay home with that baby!
    Chin up, Sweetie!

  12. Please don't delete this post! I had an hour-long phone conversation with my mom this morning about this very thing. This is such a hard job. I, too, have a wonderful husband who is loving and supportive. The words "So, um, what did you DO all day?" have never been uttered in this house :) And it is still hard. My house is usually not neat and I do not always serve balanced meals, I just do the best I can. When AJ grows up, he will not remember how often you ran the vaccuum, he will remember your time with him. And it is a short time. Baby K started preschool on Tues. and Thurs. this past school year and I never got used to it! Next year she will go to all-day Pre-K and I bawl everytime I think about it {tearing up now}. Thank you for having the courage to share these honest feelings!

  13. Oooooo.... GOOD POST! My husband and I just had this very same talk the other night! I was feeling SO guilty. I stay at home all day with our 2 kids, and he works 14 hour days away from home. He said the money is nice to have, but our children are more important, and no one can raise OUR children better than WE can. Keep up the good work! You could always get a job once the kids are in school!


Thanks for stopping by!